Adoption Update and other reflections, race and inclusion
Wow! Can anyone else believe Halloween is over? Holiday season is officially underway. I love the nostalgia of Christmas music, the sweet scent of pumpkin rolls and the way the crisp air seizes your lungs in the cool of the morning. Don't get me wrong, I love sun and summer but as a true north-westerner I enjoy all the seasons for their differences. I love bundling up, reading a few good books and watching old movie reruns with my littles. Somehow Trav and I both missed the odd curiosity of the Halloween Town movie series and are discovering this savory trilogy through the eyes of our children. It was filmed in Oregon not far from here and they actually resurect a Halloween Town each year in the quaint town of St. Helen's. HA! Can you believe it? Next year... :)
As for our adoption process, we are almost done gathering documents for our Dossier submission! As you might remember, I was quite devastated when we learned the length of this process however I am fully embracing how to take advantage of this time to prepare ourselves for this new adventure. At this point I consider our family adventures in a three part series, The Marriage, The Incremental Arrival of our 3 Stooges (they are seriously hilarious) and now The Adoption of Lilabeth, God's perfectly timed bookend. I know this will likely be the hardest thing we have ever done, but it's also amazing how if I stop and really analyze this, I see the preparation for this moment through our entire lives. It's the seed that was planted when I visited orphanages long ago. It's the way Trav's theme of LOVE MORE has weaved itself into the fabric of our family. The Divinely appointed book I read, God's revelation of His plan so concretely in my life and the Peace that came from responding to it so easily. It's not to say that we aren't scared or nervous at times, because we are. When I think about the fears we might have, I realize they are just opportunities for growth in our Faith. My negative self talk includes, "you can't afford this," "What if she doesn't attach to us?" "What if this tears our family apart?" "Are we really that great of parents to begin with?" The answer is so clear, "I/We can do all things through Christ who strengthens me/us."
Some of you might be thinking "yes!" right now and others, "what a load of cliche crap... does doing all things mean you could simply fly off a bridge as well?" No worries, I have tended to think about that latter response over the last few years as well. What does that verse even mean? Boiled down, to me it means whatever the circumstances my strength comes from God through Christ. We are not supposed to do anything alone. In my opinion, that's what is missing in our world today. We aren't supposed to do anything ALONE! The acceptance that we need something greater, Someone. Christ has given me strength in many ways, the one that stands out is community. I burn out if I am on my own. What does your community look like? Chances are, they're a lot like you and this happens because you feel accepted there. What if everyone was truly accepted into your community? This has long been a theme in churches, but mostly inclusion in church seemed to be restricted to the poor, which of course is important but aren't there other groups of people to welcome in our churches as well? I guarantee that no matter how inclusive you think you are, you are missing a group of people... likely the people that you fear for some reason. The truth is, I don't often see a lot of love in Christianity as a whole, so many people are concerned with their cultural interpretation of Bible that they lose sight of the LOVE that is clearly the main theme woven throughout the Bible. Now I realize I'm getting a little preachy, but what I have learned lately is to take time truly step back and find the person that God intended me to be. Daring, loving and passionate about what I believe and I believe in authentic and inclusive community. That might differ from what you believe, but that's ok... the Prince of Peace will make all things evident to us someday. For now, I will focus on love and inclusion.
Inclusion is something that I am growing roots about lately. As an occupational therapist who works with special needs children this is something I have always been passionate about, but I avoided other topics of inclusion like racism that may have seemed uncomfortable in the past. I think many white parents during my upbringing likely thought, "If we don't don't see color or being as being different, racism simply won't exist," but I think we all know that is not true. Books I've read recently (So You want to Talk about Race, The Hate U Give, No One Ever Asked and All You Can Ever Know: A Memoir... all highly recommended) along with frank conversations amongst friends lately have given me a new refreshed perspective on how the culture of white America has excluded so many in our nation. I am dead set on giving my children an understanding of how we got where we are today and what actions we need to take to help make changes in order to get where we want to be in the future. Many micro aggressions plague our conversations at the cost of community inclusion. I remember hearing my grandfather in '98 recount the first time he heard that my predominately white private school had a black player on our team. He commented, "Hey I heard you have a negro on your boys basketball team this year." My jaw dropped and I remember telling him, "Grandpa, you can't say that." He replied with, "well I didn't think they liked the other word." I instinctively felt uncomfortable and knew it wasn't ok, but honestly at the time I did not fully understand the gravity of him casually making that comment. The problem that stands is the idea of singling out an entire race with the use of the word "they." The grouping of a whole race in reference to one person, particularly a minority with such ease. His unfamiliarity with people different than himself made it something to take note of and comment about. This comment in and of itself is exclusive and even without the use of derogatory terms is offensive. As a future adoptive mother of an Asian child, I feel like a mama bear ready to pounce on anyone who might make an inference about her driving skills or if someone assumes that if she excels in math it is because she is Asian. These seem like harmless comments compared to my grandfather's, but anytime assumptions are made about a person's character based on their race (or gender for that matter), the result is damaging. Whether it is a women clutching her purse tightly when she notices a black man walking on the street or a simple expression of I don't understand why "they" don't use normal names for their children. Whatever is normal anyways? Even though I am totally on board with understanding the negative impact of these comments, I have not been able to really understand this before because of my own privilege. I have not been categorized in that same way because I am in the racial majority, but I am doing my best to strive to come alongside the work that is being been done to stop this. I have to admit that I still have a long ways to go to truly understanding how to go about battling racism in our society, but I am not going to quit trying. I will try to be as considerate as possible as I seek to address the little micro aggressions that have infiltrated the conversations I hear or am a part of. Inclusion and love are themes I hope to build upon within our family in 2020!
OKAY, OKAY, ok. Sorry not sorry I just had to digest my inner musings as of late.... thanks for making it this far with me! :) Our ADOPTION process is progressing! We finished our home study visits and are currently in the midst of the psychological evaluations that we need to complete our Dossier for Thailand. I am so thankful that we found a psychologist who was willing to do this for us. You would be surprised how difficult it was just to find a psychologist for this purpose! Thank you Alyssa for all your help! I have a stack of international adoption books on my nightstand and a handful more on parenting which I will continue to delve into and pillage for their nuggets of gold this month. I'm learning new ways to parent and loving it. I am a forever learner in the parenting world and just when I think I have a method... my little stinkers prove me wrong. :) For now our method is to always reflect on the 3 main rules of the house, which seems to work well for adult interactions as well. :) 1) RESPECT 2) No Hurts (emotional or physical) 3) Have fun! (It's from one of my books, but I can't even remember who to give credit here! HA!)
PRAYER REQUESTS:
Finances: Next week we will find out if we have been selected to join the connected heart ministry which seeks to support adoptive families by creating a tax deductible crowdfunding platform in order to provide a way for our supporters to donate with tax deductible receipt! This is awesome and so I will likely pull our Go Fund Me site after this happens in order to consolidate donations to this site instead. Hopefully by the end of November we will have this tax deduction option available! woohoo! PRAY that they choose us for this unique opportunity to help us make this adoption happen.
Dossier: Pray that all the reports and documents are able to be gathered timely in order to submit our Dossier to Thailand as quickly as possible!
Health and Wellness: Trav has been sick several times over the past couple months and I just strained my back this past week. Man, we are feeling old! :) Please pray that we stay healthy this winter so we can keep up with these rowdy munchkins.
As for our adoption process, we are almost done gathering documents for our Dossier submission! As you might remember, I was quite devastated when we learned the length of this process however I am fully embracing how to take advantage of this time to prepare ourselves for this new adventure. At this point I consider our family adventures in a three part series, The Marriage, The Incremental Arrival of our 3 Stooges (they are seriously hilarious) and now The Adoption of Lilabeth, God's perfectly timed bookend. I know this will likely be the hardest thing we have ever done, but it's also amazing how if I stop and really analyze this, I see the preparation for this moment through our entire lives. It's the seed that was planted when I visited orphanages long ago. It's the way Trav's theme of LOVE MORE has weaved itself into the fabric of our family. The Divinely appointed book I read, God's revelation of His plan so concretely in my life and the Peace that came from responding to it so easily. It's not to say that we aren't scared or nervous at times, because we are. When I think about the fears we might have, I realize they are just opportunities for growth in our Faith. My negative self talk includes, "you can't afford this," "What if she doesn't attach to us?" "What if this tears our family apart?" "Are we really that great of parents to begin with?" The answer is so clear, "I/We can do all things through Christ who strengthens me/us."
Some of you might be thinking "yes!" right now and others, "what a load of cliche crap... does doing all things mean you could simply fly off a bridge as well?" No worries, I have tended to think about that latter response over the last few years as well. What does that verse even mean? Boiled down, to me it means whatever the circumstances my strength comes from God through Christ. We are not supposed to do anything alone. In my opinion, that's what is missing in our world today. We aren't supposed to do anything ALONE! The acceptance that we need something greater, Someone. Christ has given me strength in many ways, the one that stands out is community. I burn out if I am on my own. What does your community look like? Chances are, they're a lot like you and this happens because you feel accepted there. What if everyone was truly accepted into your community? This has long been a theme in churches, but mostly inclusion in church seemed to be restricted to the poor, which of course is important but aren't there other groups of people to welcome in our churches as well? I guarantee that no matter how inclusive you think you are, you are missing a group of people... likely the people that you fear for some reason. The truth is, I don't often see a lot of love in Christianity as a whole, so many people are concerned with their cultural interpretation of Bible that they lose sight of the LOVE that is clearly the main theme woven throughout the Bible. Now I realize I'm getting a little preachy, but what I have learned lately is to take time truly step back and find the person that God intended me to be. Daring, loving and passionate about what I believe and I believe in authentic and inclusive community. That might differ from what you believe, but that's ok... the Prince of Peace will make all things evident to us someday. For now, I will focus on love and inclusion.
Inclusion is something that I am growing roots about lately. As an occupational therapist who works with special needs children this is something I have always been passionate about, but I avoided other topics of inclusion like racism that may have seemed uncomfortable in the past. I think many white parents during my upbringing likely thought, "If we don't don't see color or being as being different, racism simply won't exist," but I think we all know that is not true. Books I've read recently (So You want to Talk about Race, The Hate U Give, No One Ever Asked and All You Can Ever Know: A Memoir... all highly recommended) along with frank conversations amongst friends lately have given me a new refreshed perspective on how the culture of white America has excluded so many in our nation. I am dead set on giving my children an understanding of how we got where we are today and what actions we need to take to help make changes in order to get where we want to be in the future. Many micro aggressions plague our conversations at the cost of community inclusion. I remember hearing my grandfather in '98 recount the first time he heard that my predominately white private school had a black player on our team. He commented, "Hey I heard you have a negro on your boys basketball team this year." My jaw dropped and I remember telling him, "Grandpa, you can't say that." He replied with, "well I didn't think they liked the other word." I instinctively felt uncomfortable and knew it wasn't ok, but honestly at the time I did not fully understand the gravity of him casually making that comment. The problem that stands is the idea of singling out an entire race with the use of the word "they." The grouping of a whole race in reference to one person, particularly a minority with such ease. His unfamiliarity with people different than himself made it something to take note of and comment about. This comment in and of itself is exclusive and even without the use of derogatory terms is offensive. As a future adoptive mother of an Asian child, I feel like a mama bear ready to pounce on anyone who might make an inference about her driving skills or if someone assumes that if she excels in math it is because she is Asian. These seem like harmless comments compared to my grandfather's, but anytime assumptions are made about a person's character based on their race (or gender for that matter), the result is damaging. Whether it is a women clutching her purse tightly when she notices a black man walking on the street or a simple expression of I don't understand why "they" don't use normal names for their children. Whatever is normal anyways? Even though I am totally on board with understanding the negative impact of these comments, I have not been able to really understand this before because of my own privilege. I have not been categorized in that same way because I am in the racial majority, but I am doing my best to strive to come alongside the work that is being been done to stop this. I have to admit that I still have a long ways to go to truly understanding how to go about battling racism in our society, but I am not going to quit trying. I will try to be as considerate as possible as I seek to address the little micro aggressions that have infiltrated the conversations I hear or am a part of. Inclusion and love are themes I hope to build upon within our family in 2020!
OKAY, OKAY, ok. Sorry not sorry I just had to digest my inner musings as of late.... thanks for making it this far with me! :) Our ADOPTION process is progressing! We finished our home study visits and are currently in the midst of the psychological evaluations that we need to complete our Dossier for Thailand. I am so thankful that we found a psychologist who was willing to do this for us. You would be surprised how difficult it was just to find a psychologist for this purpose! Thank you Alyssa for all your help! I have a stack of international adoption books on my nightstand and a handful more on parenting which I will continue to delve into and pillage for their nuggets of gold this month. I'm learning new ways to parent and loving it. I am a forever learner in the parenting world and just when I think I have a method... my little stinkers prove me wrong. :) For now our method is to always reflect on the 3 main rules of the house, which seems to work well for adult interactions as well. :) 1) RESPECT 2) No Hurts (emotional or physical) 3) Have fun! (It's from one of my books, but I can't even remember who to give credit here! HA!)
PRAYER REQUESTS:
Finances: Next week we will find out if we have been selected to join the connected heart ministry which seeks to support adoptive families by creating a tax deductible crowdfunding platform in order to provide a way for our supporters to donate with tax deductible receipt! This is awesome and so I will likely pull our Go Fund Me site after this happens in order to consolidate donations to this site instead. Hopefully by the end of November we will have this tax deduction option available! woohoo! PRAY that they choose us for this unique opportunity to help us make this adoption happen.
Dossier: Pray that all the reports and documents are able to be gathered timely in order to submit our Dossier to Thailand as quickly as possible!
Health and Wellness: Trav has been sick several times over the past couple months and I just strained my back this past week. Man, we are feeling old! :) Please pray that we stay healthy this winter so we can keep up with these rowdy munchkins.
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